Aging: What Women Taught Me About Men

Rant:

Aging: What Women Taught Me About Men

**I wrote this blog based on the experiences I have had. It can be applied to all forms of relationships.

My twin sister Linda and I, along with our sister Susan, were raised by a single Mom. Susan was 5, Linda and I were 3 when our parents separated. There was lots of drama that accompanied that event. It lasted for a long time.

It was the 50’s. Dad was absent, both physically and financially. As a result, even though I was surrounded by aunts and uncles who had wonderful long marriages, I did not receive good messages about men, period. I always went for the guys that were unavailable. They were my Dad!

I’ve been married three times. The first was for 5 minutes (one year), the second was 10 years later (for 12 years) then 13 years later I married Jake. We will be celebrating our 15th anniversary this November.

When the second marriage ended I was devasted. I walked into a therapist’s office and said, “Tell me how to prevent that from ever happening again.” Four years later I graduated.

I learned to observe women when they were with men. I also learned to ask questions of women I trusted.

Rave:

Aging: What Women Taught Me About Men

Fast forward to the summer of 2019. My car had been hit while parked in front of the house. Jake followed me to an auto body shop. As I was talking to a girl behind the counter, Jake came in and said, “Everything alright Honey? Do you need me?” I said no. He kissed me on my forehead and left to wait in the car. When I turned back around the girl was staring at me. “Wow, that was cool, she said. The men of my generation don’t look up from their phones long enough to know we exist. It’s just the way it is, I guess.” I smiled at her, but, inside I was saying, it doesn’t have to be that way.

Consequently, I could not stop thinking about our conversation. Everything bubbled up in me. No, I said to myself, it really doesn’t have to be that way. I thought long and hard about imposing upon this girl. After all, who was I to tell her what I learned? However, if someone had given me pointers it could have saved me heartache and confusion.

When I returned to the shop for a follow-up visit, I handed the girl an envelope. “These were pointers I received along the way to the relationship I have now. Maybe they can be of use to you too,” I said.

This is what was written inside:

What Women Taught Me About Men

!) Women teach men how to treat them.

2) If a man tells you something about himself believe him:

For example: “You don’t want to get mixed up with me.”

It’s probably true.

3) Try not to be available all the time.

4) Say “yes” and stick to it. Say “no” and stick to it.

5) Ask for what you want with dignity and respect…but ask.

6) If you assume a role:

Example…Doing the laundry for both of you, making all the social plans, cleaning, cooking, paying the bills, etc.

you’ll probably have that role for the rest of your life.

7) Do not give up your friends.

8) Avoid passive aggressive behavior. Say what works and doesn’t work when it happens.

9) Say thank you, give praise, be kind.

10) Make yourself happy. You are the only one who can.

A few weeks later when I returned to retrieve my car I was met by the girl who was seemingly waiting for me. She thanked me more than a few times and said she posted it on her Instagram with over 40 great responses from her friends.

Attitude:

Aging: What Women Taught Me About Men

I could write the name of every woman who taught me, either by example or advice, next to the tips above. They left an enormous impact.

Maybe I made that same impact on a young woman on her journey.

Below is a portion from http://secure.dailyom.com dated March 16, 2020, entitled: Becoming Our Own Role Models:

If we envision a world where women support each other and help each other find their place in an ever-changing world, then we can become the change we want to see. Jealousy, envy, criticism, and judgment are refuges for the insecure. As we help others to become self-assured, we create a world in which all people help each other, regardless of gender. Only women can make the change in how women are seen and understood, not just by other women but by the world at large. The way we speak about each other to other women and to the men in our lives informs everyone to treat us with the respect that all women, and all people, deserve.

I thank the women who imparted their wisdom to me.

It felt good to pass it on.